Excercise Update

Looks like the rest of the walrus community is taking my advice on getting into shape for swimsuit season...

The Tussin's Type Of Humor

Band Names

What makes a good band name? I believe that band names that are The [something]s, are old and outdated. Additionally, if it can be confused with that, it's not worthwhile (e.g. Eagles are often called The Eagles).

The Tussin and I have constructed a list of viable band names, feel free to add your own.

-Grandma's Bored
-So's Your Face
-Your Face
-Copyright Infringement
-Get With It
-(Of course) Nickels Is Crap!

Sometin Necessary

Everyone needs to know about sumtin very special to The Tussin, the reason people get up in the morning is quite simple to The Tussin. Breakfast, and possibly morning sex and on occasion a warmed leftover or chocolate-ship cookay. What is better for breakfast than a lean mean grapefruit. Grapefruits being one of dey few products that real men purchase outsyde of Home Depot. Grapefruits are especially versatyle in da mornin they make a fergie delicious breakfast, and a powerful weapon when used in the squeezings of the juices in the eyeballs of the opponents, during lunch they is good fo afternoon drinks, The Tussin likes his drinks 4 hours early, or earlier. Then at suppa they cans be used for a tasty dinner, by shoving them down the throat of a noble cook and then stealing his premade goodies. Lastly, grapefruits can be used for fourth meal, so one can beat the stupid taco bell guy and kill his dog (like The Tussin normally do), most unfochunately. To purchase these fruits one requires grapefruit money, holiest of monies, right above da fabled Jew gold, and far far higher than da loathsome nickels, damn nickels is crap. Now not erybody in da club have dis grapefruit money, fo instance my homie Tyro, has got no grapefruit money. Now, to aquire dis grapefruit money, one
must earn regula monies and then convert it into a grapefruit fund or sometin of dat nature. The Tussin earns his money by lettin peoples look at him wit out fear of instant or if The Tussin feels like it slow slow death. Now i understand yall cannot earn monies in this fashion, cause da popo says yall cannot kill others, luckily The Tussin does not apply to laws of men who he can and normally does eat. However, yall can earn monies simply by doing one simple thing dat is simple. Bettin and prostitution, if god didn't want prostitutes, then why did The Tussin make The Tussin such a pimp? I luv bettins, sometimes i betts on prostitutes, like "I betcha dat ho is worf $5.26 exactly", den they is like "Yo The Tussin go over and pay her with nickels, ill give ya some monies", but then i pop them cus The Tussin don't carry nickels and they should've known dat befo they spoke, some say ignorance is bliss, The Tussin says ignorance is death by The Tussin. Now as yall prolly no The Tussin isn't makin much sense right now, but shut da hell up, i got mo grapefruit money den you so yall can bight The Tussin perfectly shaped and quite lovely ass.

Lady Landing

So, when yous a goin up to a hella fine lady-type (like i normally does) what does you say.
"Hi, there mind if i take you out to dinner and perhaps a movie?" NOOOOO WRONG
"That shirt is very becoming on you, if i was on you i would be coming too" CORRECT

Remember girls and ladies especially like a guy wit a good face, if you have a face that reminds girls of a sick combonacion between herbert hoover, fat albert, and Santa, you have a bad face. If she says a to you "Man you look lika The Tussin" that is a good face, but don't go for her because she is a fakin being italiano, hence hr use of lika, unless she is actually Mario, then it is hokay but you must watch her addiction to shrooms. Now we both know you cant just bees The Tussin, so you need to go and get something else girls and ladies especially enjoy. WOMEN DO NOT LIKE MEN WHO USE CROSSBOWS, Yes Yes, Napoleon Dynamite lied to you, movies can lie, like when E.T was all "Uhhp i'm dead, den hes all, bitch please i is a healthy alium, unlike a sick Russian. You need to learn how to talk.

Go up to a girlsatypes and say "Roses are red lemons are sour, you spread your legs and i will show you the power" then brace for impact as her hand graces yo face at speads that can onlay be described as ridiculous pain speed, but once that stinging fades, she will forget the comment and remember tha gesture, and she will be all i would most enjoy fornicating with you in that restroom stall some drunkard just vomited in.

Call me Justin as in Just Incredible, no don't, call me The Tussin or i gonna smack yo face at ridiculous pain speeds, it will hurt like the Dickens, as in Charles Dickens is kicking yo faces' ass.

Thank me later.

2008 Presidential Race

Now that people are starting to throw in their bids for nominations for president, I figure it's time to nominate my own candidates for the Freedom Party (to which I belong, with my co-author). I believe that John Madden and Bill Cosby should run for president and vice president respectively.

Think about it, what would get done? Nothing. What could be made worse? Nothing.

Here's the morning presidential briefing:
Madden: Now, the thing about being president is you gotta be the president if you wanna be the president of the U.S.A. Buy my game.

Cosby:The thing about the kids today is they spend all their time listening to hippety-hop music so they don't know what the politics are all about. You see, the politics are like a fine wine. No! The politics are like the jazz.

And so forth.

On top of that, the two of them would be so full of their own ridiculosity, they would never lie to us. So, if you like freedom, vote Madden/Cosby '08.

Working Out

Due to my position as this blog's beacon of intelligence and wit, I have decided to tell you all that exercise is important for a healthy mind and body. Even walrus know that.

Up WIth Grammar, Down With Stupid, Racist Stories

So, im not usin no grammer, thats the white mans way of hatin on us yo, just like stomach aches, whenever a black man reached powa a stomache crippled him to the point of vulnerability.

So im walkin down the street punching infants to prove that i can punch 100 infants without fear of god givin me that white cancer anti black kkk shit (like i normally does). When all da sudden, a man sippin on gin and juice came ridin up selling mysery flavad dum dums, the mexican kind you know they is blue and say "Que Misterioso" well i buy a few and then pop his ass cause he gave me my $5. 26 change in nickels and all real men know dat nickels is crap. What can you do wif so many fuckin nickels, nuthin except play pop the guy selling mexican dum dums fo givin me fuckin nickels, then fillin his body with $5.26 worth of nickels and putting him inside of 100 pre-punched infants. Now dat ladies and i'm straight is completly unrelated or as the mexicans would say completly unrelatedo. Now i'm eatin this here dum dum when i realize it tastes like a mix of sex and cookies, which reminds me that tis guy livin in a garbage can owes me sum fuckin cookies, so i went to him and i was all like "Yo man where my cookies Grouch?" and he was all "Dude i get yo yo cookies but i needs mo time you see this fuckin vampire stole ems so he could count how many fuckin cookies i has", i replied most kindly with "Bitch dat story is faker den da top half of Paris "The Brickwall" Hilton, aint no such thang as a vampire who counts, vampires are black aint you neva seen Count fuckin Chocula, he don't do no countin the bitch can't even read" So I punched him like a infant and proceeded to allow my homie Snuffalupagus to trample his face away. Now afta that encounta i went home and saw my dishwasher on my couch, so i immediatly shouted "Bitch i told you to wait in the car" that made her move but not to the car, some black guy ran in and shouted "Listen up yall cause this is it..." So i cocked my 9 like this and shot that bitch i didn't miss. Thank Ya, to be continued...